Husband and wife due to the second child conflict, the man: no birth can, the original 200,000 dowry back half


Life is too short to love or hate.On the day of the Lantern Festival, his cousin and his sister-in-law divorced because they could not agree on the idea of having a second child.Cousin and sister-in-law have been married for six years, has a 3-year-old daughter two months, the two men had planned, after daughter is in kindergarten, let big aunt home to recuperate the body, but, this way just to daughter in the kindergarten, cousin over there suddenly changed his mind, claiming and sister-in-law is going to work at ordinary times busy, after the children off to school, may not be able to on time shuttle.Thinking of the current cost of finding a nanny is not low, the cousin then said that it would be better to let the old mother stay at home, not only to take care of each other, but also to help pick up the children.But the sister-in-law’s point is that now that the children are in school, there is no need to bother the elderly any more. Although they are not willing to pay for a nanny, they can enroll their children in a delayed class for interest, so that everyone can have time to do their own things.Seeing sister-in-law made up his mind to live a life of three, my cousin hesitated a few words and finally said what he really thought. He did not want his old mother to go back to his hometown, mainly because he wanted to have a second child and let her continue to help take care of the children.”Anyway a child is to see, two children are also to see, since the mother here to help pick up Nini, it is better to take advantage of this period of time, we want a child again.”The cousin’s words came as a huge blow to the sister-in-law:Consulted before that, they never have another child, now on the front, she felt too suddenly, of course, the most let her worry is not a cousin of the decision, but in their current economic condition, raising two children is not easy, what’s more, she is 32 years old this year, have children, children have to delay her for a year or two,Although her position in the unit is not so important (small department leader), it is very rare for her to go this far in a big city (actually a second-tier city) without background and backer. She does not want to give up her career that she has fought for many years easily at this juncture.After thinking about it, the sister-in-law spoke openly about her thoughts and said that after raising the child, life was easier and there was no need to put extra pressure on her shoulders.”A child is good, too!Educating children is better than anything!Besides, being an only child yourself, you ought to know how happy an only child can be.Why do you have to think about having another child at your age?”If in the past, sister-in-law said so, my cousin is at most laughed off, but now, sister-in-law’s words when really stabbed my cousin’s lung tube, it is because he is an only child, these two years and did not listen to the old father’s chanting, so he changed his mind, want to have a second child.”Our condition is not so bad, I pay the mortgage of 1,800 yuan every month, and I also bear most of the food and clothing expenses of the family. Although my salary of 15,000 yuan is not much left, at least you have saved your salary, right?In addition, my parents’ retirement fund has been supporting us a lot in recent years. At least we have some savings. Why can’t we afford to support our two children?You rest assured, no matter the second child is a boy or a girl, I will not urge you to give birth, even to parents an account, ok?”Hearing this, the sister-in-law was furious, “Am I the machine that gives birth to your children?I have to give up my job and have a second child just to make your parents happy?It’s not a rich family, so why insist on having a boy?I put the words here, what your father thinks, I have no right to interfere, your mother is not too hard, but also willing to continue to raise children, I have nothing to say, but I will never have another child.It sounds nice to say that it doesn’t matter whether it’s a boy or a girl. In fact, it’s not a boy preference.See sister-in-law “outspoken” complain so much, cousin couldn’t help but also made a temper, from his sister-in-law subordinate to uncle aunt to sister-in-law accommodation, all out: “before we got married, I said in my house there to buy a house to settle down, then parents can do me a favor and find a good job for you, you don’t think we are the place is a small city, have to go to other place, good!It depend on you!When buying a wedding house, you asked for a better location and a bigger house. My parents decided to buy a 108-square-meter house without a word, and they also took out most of their life savings and paid 70% of the down payment, just in the hope that we could pay less of the loan, so that there would be less pressure in our married life.Later, your family said there was no security, AND I persuaded my parents to add your name to the house ownership certificate, but you, how do you do?He asked for 200,000 yuan as a bride price, saying it was too hard to give birth to and raise my child.You can’t live without money!My parents brought caskets out for this!Have you reflected on how my parents and I treated you and how you treated us all these years?Don’t want the benefit of the time, light thinking of their own, to the need for their own efforts and everywhere to find endless speech!I tell you, do not have a second child can, the original 200 thousand dowry return half!Still have, later home all expenses, you want and I AA!”Perhaps, did not expect the cousin will pull these, sister-in-law was surprised and angry, she threw down a “settle the account, we divorce”, after the door and go.My cousin felt that he had been too tolerant of his sister-in-law and too obedient. He did not want to backstep this time, so he said he would leave.Of course, because of aunt’s obstruction, marriage is naturally unable to leave, but, until today, cousin and sister-in-law two people are in the cold war, both sides as long as at home, each other as the air.My mother-in-law said that when my aunt told her about this matter, she felt helpless. She was caught in the middle and did not know how to talk to her, nor did she know whether to manage it or not. She could only treat herself as an invisible person.After all, she’s the one looking after the baby, and she’s tired too. She’s getting older. How many years can she still look after the baby?But she can not persuade you uncle, men, after all, some feudal bone, like boys more.Alas!In fact, it is understandable that the only child, want to have a grandchild is not what excessive request, but, you young people have many ideas, may not understand the older generation.No matter how to say, also should discuss well, which can easily divorce hanging on the mouth.”In fact, as an observer, it is difficult to say who is right and who is wrong.But there is one thing my mother-in-law said that I quite agree with. That is, no matter what happens to a couple, no matter how different they are, they should sit down and communicate well. Especially when it comes to having a child, two people really need to change their perspective.For men, the concept of procreation is relatively strong, for some only son, he really can not own the master, it is likely to be in the parents “pressure”, also want to give the family “leave a queen”.Just like my cousin, he actually respects his sister-in-law in other matters. The two have been married for many years without any big conflict. The reason why he made such a gaffes this time, I think, is that he thinks marriage and having children cost his parents too much.More or less defer to parents in the matter of their children., of course, stand in the perspective of women, children, raising children is not “move mouth” such a simple thing, it not only needs to support certain economic conditions, but also need a woman temporarily “sacrifice” off their careers, which for some women, like the workplace struggle of could not psychologically accept, after all, a woman’s career as a man,They also have far more problems in the workplace than men.In fact, in raising children, between husband and wife should be most mentality is, whether have the determination to share custody, and the children together to raise good faith, not the man to the woman as a breeding tool, feels they spent so much money to marry must have been to our family, or the wife always, on the grounds of having children too hard excessive “kidnap” the man,Let the man blindly pay, contribution.I have always felt that the right concept of marriage is one in which each husband and wife understands the difficulties of the other and makes modest concessions, instead of exaggerating their own contributions, devaluing the other, or pitting them against each other over a small issue.Two people can come together, can run in a few years after the idea to continue to go on, it shows that two people or to the other side have expectations, so, in the past love, sweet feelings, but also to have business to solve the problem facing.Will you take a second child in this matter, in fact, in the end, my cousin just don’t want to let father down (of course, may be he can expect to gave birth to a male baby boys “pick your own class”), after all, in his the marriage, parents do pay, for support indeed wipe don’t go, for this, he is the consider the feelings of parents “take after”.However, he should not be in a fit of rage, threatening betrothal money, thinking that he should get something in return for the money he has spent. Such an attitude would be painful for any woman to hear, as if she were a fertility machine.Of course, I this sister-in-law, should also take into account the feelings of my cousin, it is true that it is difficult to have a child, do not want to give up their career for many years, is also a very good idea, but for their own consideration at the same time, but also to take into account the “pressure” her husband is facing.In marriage, husband and wife two people can never be isolated, you think for me, I also consider for you, two people have to pay, also have to gain.So, sometimes, rather than using verbal threats in the hope that the other person will back down, a couple can have a calm conversation, analyze the pros and cons, and lower their “standards” together.

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